A quickie before the last ...

Hi guys,

A few people have asked what next ... well, I have been told different things. I can't remember if I posted about the matching process ..... anyway ...... Have a swatch at this:

http://www.aberdeencity.gov.uk/nmsruntime/saveasdialog.asp?lID=22036&sID=6252

That's as much as we can go by for now. We're looking at a minimum of six months after the panel.

Later :)
Ross x

Why I'm not looking past the panel

I actually wrote this ages ago!
I touched on it in my last post but thought it was maybe worth sharing the full thing. I haven't updated anything after what's happened the last few weeks.

I I never finished writing it so it's a bit over the place .... but you get the idea.

- -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- -


Hi all,

Some people have accused me of being overly negative or not optimistic enough regarding our chances going forward in the adoption process.

Here's why (personal-ish kinda type stuff coming up ;0) )

Imagine you get married and you spend a few years trying to get health issues sorted out with an aim to starting a family. Now imagine that you get those things sorted out, but in getting them sorted out, one of the things that sorts it means you can't start a family naturally. Got that in your head? Trust me, you're probably not even close.

Right, now imagine you spend a year or so going through the first part of the adoption process; approval. Imagine going through that year thinking about what it will be like when you get approved and what could happen next. Imagine pinning everything on that. Now think about what would happen if after all that a group on people who don't even know you read an abridged biography of your live and decide that you are not good enough/fit/suitable to adopt. That'd probably be pretty devastating right?

I don't want to get to that point. If we have an issue or they don't approve us I don't want to have spent a year thinking and planning our future for it once again to be denied. This denial would be even worse if that was to happen. This time we're being judged.

****DELETED THIS BIT .... SMALL RANT .... AVAILABLE ON REQUEST ;) ****

Anyway ... there you go. Please, and I mean this respectfully as I've valued everyone's support in this, but please don't tell me it will all be fine and to be more optimistic. I'm hopeful, I'm realistic, but I'm also not wanting to set myself up for a fall.

Hope that maybe helps clear things up a wee bitty :)

Thanks as always.
Ross

Penultimate Update

Evening All,

I know that I said last time was the penultimate update but I had a few messages asking how our last visit and H&S thing went.....so just a quickie this one.


The second opinion visit. 

This was straight forward enough. The adoption manager came round for a chat to make sure that what out social worker said was accurate and that we were clear on certain aspects of what was going on. After sitting chatting for about an hour she said she was happy with what had been written and we had her support going in to the panel. We couldn't really have asked for much more than that. Only a week or so away now .... *sigh*


Health & Safety

Yeah that's done and dusted. A couple of things to be completed but nothing that stops us going forward. We've got the stuff in place. Fire Extinguisher, Fire blanket, first aid kit, stair gate, blah, blah, blah .... :)
Anyway, it's been signed off so we're good. I still need to fit the new doors and put the lock on the bathroom that can open from the outside, but I'll get to it.


That's it. Next the Panel.

It's all looking positive at the moment, but we're still taking it day by day.

All the best
Ross

364 days since we posted our intent to adopt...

What a long year ..... Jesus!

OK, first I must apologise. These updates were nowhere near as regular as I had intended. The reason? Simple ... everything else was a bit too much. Along with Steph I've spent the last year talking about my life growing up, my life after leaving home, my life now and how I intend to deal with life after adoption. Apparently Steph and I need to predict the future! ...... well, that's how it feels anyway.

Well .... we're almost at the end of the approval bit of all this. Here's where we're at: Our social worker is going to recommend that we be approved to adopt. So that's a big hurdle out the way. I won't go in to any detail of the last month or so as it would take to long. A hitch with the medical  (surprise surprise) being the only real stumbling block worth mentioning.

My blood pressure was shown as high. I've never had an issue with it before. Whenever I've had my pressure done with one of those automated pieces of crap it shows high, but when someone takes it manually it's fine. AT the medical it was taken 4 times and it was shown high, but it was with an automated machine. Less than a week later it was taken manually at my annual Diabetic checkup and it was perfectly normal!

Anyway, it was highlighted by the medical adviser as the clinic appointment wasn't reported. I got put on monitoring for two weeks, but I asked for an appointment to get my pressure done manually right at the start. Long story short, the manual reading was perfect and 10 auto readings were high. I could rant but I won't.

Next up is three things: 2nd opinion visit, health and safety visit, Panel.

• The 2nd opinion visit is our social workers manager coming to meet us to get a feel for us and see that, at least on the surface, we meet her expectations of what the social worker has said.
  
• The H&S visit just means I need to tidy my office up a bit ;)
  
• The Panel.....that's the be all and end all. There we sit in front of a group of people between 30 and 60 minutes and they judge whether we are suitable to adopt. We get out go or no go on that day.

A few people have asked me what we would do if we don't get approved .... well I can't speak for Steph but for me I really don't know. I know that I will be beyond devastated. It was hard enough to be told the news before, but for strangers to judge me and Steph unsuitable to have a child I don't know how I would react. In all honesty I have tried not to think past the 6th of February. When I talk about it, it's if not when. I'm taking it day by day.

I knew all this would be hard, but I have found this way more difficult than I expected. I know Steph is the same. Emotionally and physically I'm/we're drained. That's why the updates were not too frequent. I've been on the edge ..... I could have chucked this in months ago. Steph kept me going. We'll help each other through each situation that arises I'm sure. Although if we do get denied I may take the council to court over the money we've spent! Seriously though, we've been asked to do a lot with no guarantee of a good outcome. If one more person tells me it'll be worth it ...... ;)

One thing I want to clear up is friends who are pregnant or who have children....we're happy for you all!!! Don't apologise for having kids or being pregnant. Please! Don't hide the fact, don't shy away from talking about it. We have our issue to get over. Is it tough? Yes, of course it is. We both have good days and bad with it, but life goes on. As long as our friends are happy, that helps us along. Yes I sometimes get upset or still cry when I think about it. I sometimes find it hard when thoughts cross my mind ... but there you go.

This might be the penultimate post....in fact it will be. After the 6th of February I will post one of two posts. The first will be if we get denied. That will be telling you why and about how you won't hear from me for a week. My phone will be off and the internet disconnected. The second will be if we get approved. That will say "YAY!" and tell you about what happens next, along with a quick summary of the whole thing. I may even get Steph to write a paragraph or two. After the panel it goes all hush hush! lol ;0)

I'm going to go now. I'm happy to talk more if you have questions.....just give me a shout.

Ross xx

Our Adoption: Forgive us for now .... we're kinda burnt

Our Adoption: Forgive us for now .... we're kinda burnt: Hi all, I know these posts are getting shorter, but here's the long and the short of it ... we're burnt. This is actually starting to take...

Forgive us for now .... we're kinda burnt

Hi all,

I know these posts are getting shorter, but here's the long and the short of it ... we're burnt. This is actually starting to take it's toll. We've spent the last 10 months talking and thinking about us as a couple and what we want to get out of this .... and what we've been through ... and why we're adopting .... and what we do together .... and why we're adopting .... and why we're adopting, oh .... and why we're adopting.

It's taking it's toll. I said to Steph today that I could quite happily sack this off for a few months and come back to it later. It don't think I  (or indeed We) have ever been so mentally drained!

So here's the score:

How far through are we? We don't know.
How much more do we have to do? We don't know.
How's it going? We don't know.

If you ask either of us how it's going, please, if we roll our eyes or sigh first it really is nothing personal or about people asking, we just don't know what else to say right now. Like I said, we are both burnt with this.

From talking to our social worker we are on her timescales, so that's cool. We are due to complete this bit around Christmas. So .... Christmas is cancelled! lol Looks like we'll submit everything just before Christmas and go to panel just after .... yeah, I'll relax during that!

We both want to be as open about this as possible, and believe me we are trying to be as open and talk as much as we can ...... but please realise that we are both struggling with things to say without:
a) going over the same ground over and over
b) boring people who have heard it
c) boring ourselves
d) I dunno .....

We're looking at panel in January right now.

*sigh* ... I actually don't know what to say....

The past week we've gone over the following:

• Support network
• Parental Competencies (ours)
• Tolerances
• ... um ... Steph and I discussed views on taking in a child of different ethnic or religious backgrounds
• What kind of parents would we be?*
• What would we take from our upbringing
• What would we drop from our upbringing
• What would we do compared to our parents

* REALLY?! Would kind of circus clown would I be?! I don't know? Best laid plans and all that! They want specifics and what we would do! I don't know. You can plan for everything and still miss the most important part. It almost feels like an un-answerable question. This is my Kobayashi Maru! ( If you don't know it, Google it! ;) )

So yeah .... if our answers to questions are a bit short, please don't take it personally. If we don't seem as interested as you'd like, again, it's not personal. We're losing track of what we've said to who and what we last told you.

This has ended up, and is still so much more intrusive and draining than we expected.

We really do appreciate more than you know, the support we've had. Asking us has shown us support. A text has made us feel a hundred times better. Every question helps, even if we're unsure how best to reply and continue.

We were asked if we received any negative responses to our choice to adopt .... this took me aback. We have received nothing but support from you all. You'll never know how much it means to us.

We're getting there.

Thanks
Ross xx

A lot going on!

Hey All,

This is going to be brief.

There is a lot going on right now.

Just now we are going through a 16 week stretch of once a week sessions with our social worker. This is more intrusive than I expected. It's raised a lot of questions that I've never thought about .... in fact ... I've never thought about thinking about them!  :)

Anyway, I'll post a more detailed, as much detail as I think appropriate, post later. I'm trying to find a point where it's rounded out and I can pick a "chapter" to post at.

We've had a few sessions dealing with:

• Overview of what we are about to do
  
• Individual experiences growing up and what we've taken from our childhood. Good and bad points of how our parents brought us up.
  
• Us as a couple. How we met, what we argue about, our wedding, what we do together, our views (+ve & -ve) about each other .... and on and on and on ... )
  
• Our family support network
  
• Our friend/colleague based support network
  
• Why we adopted*

I'll keep what's coming up a surprise. The * was a note for me to say .... If we have to go over why we are doing this again I may go mental!!

Anyway, like I said, I'll post more when I find a nice bookend/chapter point.

All the best.

Ross