OK, The Course.
The course was 3 full days. 3 Mondays.
Day 1: The Unknown.
I already put up my meltdown post, so you know what I was thinking before we went in.
There were another couple outside as we went up to the door who were trying to get in. No one was answering the door. Luckily someone came by who worked there and we both got in. We chatted to the couple for a bit and they seemed very cool and talking to them put me, and I think Steph too, more at ease straight away.
So there were Steph and I along with three other couples. The two social workers went over what we would be covering, quick introductions, a tea break then straight into it!
We covered what reasons people had for adopting along with a brief go over why children end up in the system. We also went over what will be done and how we will be doing it. All really interesting stuff. So many perspectives aiming towards the same target.
A lot of stuff around how we help bring the child in and make them feel part of the family. This is where we started to find out about how we need to be very protective for the first few months. We really need to keep it to just Steph, me and Child. We really need to enforce the fact that we are the family.
We went over a lot about some of the emotional states that may be there, especially developmental stages and attachment issues. This is why we need to emphasise that we are there for him/her. We are their support and we are there for them.
A Doctor came in to tell us about the medical issues that the children can have, short and long term. What surprised me is that Alcohol seems to cause as many if not more problems than Drug using mothers. Problem is apparently that there is that much of a cross over of abuse that it's hard to tell where certain problems stem from.
That's a really rough go over, but I can't got in to too much detail, without going in to more detail and having to avoid the wrong details. Buy me a pint and I'll tell you more.
Day 2: HELL!
Day 2 was an utter utter nightmare. There was a lot in this day, but I will be brief as I won't/don't want to go into it. This day was dealing with an overview of the abuse and neglect that children going into the system are coming from. I can only liken this to feeling ill and Googleing your symptoms to find out you're dead or dying. I think I've died three times according to Google. It's all worst case scenario. What we heard was really really bad. We had to understand where a potential child may be coming from.
A few interesting activities which involved discussing abuse, neglect and how we classify kinds of abuse. Was eye opening to see how I look at one thing and other people look at it. The different levels of grey in identifying how bad something is and how severe a response is required.
I can see how it would put people off. For myself and Steph it really made us want to do it more. It also makes us want to do even better for any child we get. That may sound like a strange statement, but I don't know how else to put it.
There was one high point. A Foster Carer came in and spoke to us. I know people have said what a great thing it is Steph and I are doing, but it's nothing compared to what this woman does. It was amazing to hear what she has done and what she continues to do. No details, just a strong admiration for an incredible person.
Day 3: A Nice Ending
We started day 3 with a visit from two parents who had adopted last year. It was great to hear them talking about their experience and the end result. We also had a visit from the, I don't really know what to call her, head social worker who told us about what to expect and the support we will get.
The rest of the day was around what happens when we've been matched with a child. Here's a very high level bullet point:
- Our Profile is matched with children's profiles
- When we find a profile that "calls to us" we tell our social worker
- We find out more about the child and the childs foster carer finds out more about us.
- If agreed, we go in front of the panel again to see how suitable it would be.
- After that we start a familiarisation process.*
- After that (or just before, or just after), we do all the legalities
- Done ..... (should be .... kind of)
* We put together a small photo book of us, our home and even the pets. We get a similar book of the prospective child. We then start to slowly get introduced to the child in small bursts while also letting the child get used to us in their routine. One day we might go over for their breakfast, next day maybe bedtime. Another day we might take him/her to the park for half an hour. They will also start to spend days and night with us. Each time he/she stays with us, they bring toys and stuff with them and leave them here so they gradually move in.
All the above is just a rough thing. There is more detail, and you can ask me about it if you like. I don't want this to be too massive a post.
There's bound to be (I know there is) stuff missing, but there was A LOT to take in and process. There is more I could go over, but there really is too much. Even if I did one for each day I'd have to miss out too much.
We met a great couple that we liked. There were a lot of similarities which seemed to make the two girls nervy and the two guys chuckle ;) After all of my apprehension it was a great experience in more ways than one.
I don't think I've ever been more emotionally drained than after day two. Well ... I thought that after day one, then we had day two.
So .... what now? Now, we wait. We were told we would be assigned a social worker within the next 6 week. Should be. Any way, that would be about the third week of July. From there we start the approval process. That's the 35 (+ extras) page form we need to give the details for. We will have a home visit from a social worker once a week during this part.
From getting assigned a social worker to doing the form and going in front of the panels, we should be done and, hopefully, approved by October/November ..... yup ..... October/November. Not April/May like we thought.
That's it for now. Sorry it seems kind of a ramble, but I'm struggling to structure it. If I have time, I'll come back and edit it a bit.
Take it easy.
Ross
